Caddyshack and Pink Eye

My yard is looking so nice. Blue wildflowers dancing in the breeze every morning. If you don't get up early enough, you will miss them. They only last a few hours. Pastel blue, quarter size flowers with paper-like petals that float away before noon. Beautiful. Two tulips have come and gone, the rest have not yet bloomed. One deep red, the other a pale, soft pink. I just love tulips. One iris, the small kind that come in flower arrangements, deep dark purple with the yellow streak in the center, with the petals forming in three distinct directions. My freesia are all in bloom. Yellow, bright as sun and purple, with a soft white center. Gladiolus starting to shoot out of the ground. Strawberries all in bloom, promising of a delicious crop of large, luscious red berries. Tomato plants with dainty little yellow blooms that will turn into dark red globes. My lawn is starting to turn a dark green. The weed and feed didn't seem to affect the surrounding plants and I fired the gardener. I asked him to come twice a month instead of every week and he said it would be ten dollars a month less. Such a deal! So, we got the lawnmower back from my mother in law and I will attempt to mow the lawn. Heaven help me! It has to be fixed first, so the hubby is working on that.

So, I have been enjoying days of warm breezes and beautiful sunshine when, out of nowhere, I find this big pile of soft dirt on the slope where the wildflowers are in front of the house. I start to sift through the dirt with my hands and there's nothing there. I am a little concerned, because I think maybe something is living there. Then again, it could be the kids who get off the bus at the corner and pick the flowers. Well, just one dirt pile, but a rather large one. I will keep my eye on it. So, Saturday night, I was outside watering the plants and I look up at the front porch to see this small, hamster-like creature with a stubby tail scurrying away from the corner of my front porch. It runs across the front porch to the other side. I am about ten feet away. I yell for hubby and he comes out of the house, finally, and by this time the little critter has run again through a little tiny hole, about one inch wide, two inches long in the bottom of the plastic fence next to the house. Gone. Into the backyard I assumed. Little bugger. So, now, it's confirmed. I have at least one gopher. So the next step is to get traps. So, Saturday night, I start thinking about the small rodent who is going to wreak havoc on my work in progress. My first real attempt at creating a nice yard. I tossed and turned all night. Didn't help that it was warm in the house and I couldn't sleep. Every time I turned and woke up, I was thinking about this little monster that was going to have a habitrail under my yard. Sixteen feet an hour is what they can supposedly tunnel. And once the tunnels are dug, they can travel something like seventy five feet a minute. That is impressive. So, I am lying in bed thinking about all the mounds I am going to have all over my yard, this little furry creep pulling my bulbs from the roots and chomping down on all my pretty flowers. I got up at 12:30am Sunday morning and looked up "how to get rid of gophers" on the internet. There are all kinds of things. Traps, castor oil spray, sonic repellers, high frequency repellers, dried blood, poison granules, dried granulated fox urine. This is big business. And a lot for my 2am head to take in. So, I attempted to return to bed, only now I was thinking of all the ways I could eradicate this little sucker. I woke up Sunday morning feeling mentally challenged. Not ready to face the day. Not ready to face the gopher. Feeling like he was going to win the battle.

Sunday after church the plan was to go get gopher stuff. Everything. Try it, see if it works. Well, that didn't happen. We decided to stop at the VW dealership to see what they had and if replacing the seventeen mile per gallon Suburban with a smaller vehicle would make sense. I guess it must have made sense. After five hours at the car dealership watching little girls run around collecting balloons, you will soon see the fruits of our labors. 32 miles per gallon is much more respectable. Almost double. That should save a large chunk of change. More money to buy gopher trapping paraphernalia. So, needless to say, we didn't get to home depot on Sunday. So, Monday morning I go outside and there are two more mounds of soft dirt next to the larger one and another along the bottom of my plastic fence that is about three feet wide. Just inches away from where he went under the fence. I use the word "he" but it may not BE a he. So, since the gopher has been busy at work, I figure it is time for me to step up to the plate. So, I call my friend who has a large piece of horse property. About two acres. Dirt in the back, grass and flowers in the front.

"Hi, I need to pick your brain for a minute. Have you ever had gophers?"
Oh, yeah!
How did you get rid of them?
Traps, it is the only thing that works.
Really?
Yeah, then you know for sure you got 'em. You don't have to wonder if they are still out there. But the hard part is setting the traps. They are a real pain to set if you don't know what you are doing.
Great. So, what, you just pick up the trap and throw it away like a mousetrap?
No, you can't throw it away, they are like ten dollars!
Oh, dear, you mean I have to get it off of there?
Uh huh. (laughing)
So, the spray and the sonic things don't work?
No, nothing else worked for us besides the traps. But you have to attach a wire to it and a pole or something otherwise it will take off with the trap attached.
Okay....So, umm, are you going to be around tomorrow? 'Cause I might need to call you. I am on my way to Home Depot now to get this stuff.

So, I go to Home Depot and find the traps. $10 for two. Such a deal. Hmmm, maybe I could just throw it away after....
We get the stuff home and Scott is busy attaching wire and such. He got this huge thing that supposedly screws into the ground. It is about a foot and a half long. So, he is trying to set the trap. Don't get your fingers in there! Warning on the box reads in part, "...Keep traps away from children and anyone not familiar with their use." That would be ME! Scott's mumbling that the instructions read like stereo instructions. Great.

"Hi, umm, you said you were going to be in and out tomorrow, right?"
Yeah, why?
Well, you know what they say about a friend in need.
(laughing)
We just bought the traps and...
(speaking to her husband) Is it okay if I run over to Amy's for a minute? They just got the gopher traps....I will be over in a few minutes.
Coooool! Thanks. I will see you then.

Turn oven with leftovers in it down to 225 degrees. Continue watching hubby try to figure this out.

Well, between the two of them, they figured them out. Turns out our traps are different than hers. But, hubby did eventually figure it out. Yeah, hubby. We took them outside and my wonderful friend poked around in the dirt a bit and very quickly found the hole! I looked for the longest time and found nothing. Oh well, she has the experience. Anyway, so we put the trap in the one hole and decided to look up near the fence for the other one. Well, it was there all right. But in the backyard. A den or nest-like hole with tons of weeds and grass stuffed inside. My dear friend (did I mention how great she is?) stuck her hand inside to clear it out so we could put the trap in and kept pulling out ALL THIS STUFF! So, like I said, the he might not be a he after all. Anyway, so she was able to get the other trap in this hole and we are "set", no pun intended. Okay, it was intended.

So, before I went to bed, I went out there with a flashlight. No gophers. I went out with Scott before he left for work at 4:30am. No gophers. Now it is 5:30. I will check again in a few hours. Won't you all be anxiously awaiting the outcome? My dear, sweet friend, the Gopher Catcher Extraordinaire, said she has caught about 15-20 of these little critters. I would just be happy if there are no new mounds in my yard. So, I know you will want to come back for Caddyshack Part II.

Oh, yeah, and my sweet little blue eyed girl has pink eye. She started rubbing her eyes last night. Poor little thing. Don't know where she got it, but now she has it and we will just have to wait for that to go away. Bummer. She's not too happy about that. Hopefully, her sister doesn't get it, too.

Will keep you posted on the gophers...