I'm up to my knees in....

So, yesterday I took Jess to the doctor. No cold. No flu. No shots. She doesn't have a fever. She has a stomach ache. She has had it for several weeks. Before she eats, after she eats, when she isn't thinking about eating. Various times. All the time. Seldom. It comes and goes. For the most part, she runs around like her wild crazy self. But then she will get a stomach ache out of nowhere. Huh?

So, we went to the dr. He listened to her breathing and they did an xray because he said her breathing on one side was noticeably different than the other side. He thought about pneumonia. No. Lungs are fine. But, the other thing that showed up on the xray was her intestines. And they have a lot of stuff in them. That shouldn't be there. It needs to come out. Well, there is only one way that is going to happen. She had apple juice and prune juice for breakfast. With wheat toast and shredded wheat cereal and some sliced peaches. Lunch will consist of some dried apricots and a sandwich on whole wheat bread. We'll see what happens after that. She doesn't seem to have a problem. She goes every day, but maybe that's all it is.

The point of all this is, well, one of the things the dr. said to do is get some specimens. So I am collecting samples in little vials and this is all very new to me. One thing I found funny is that I am supposed to smear a small sample on this card for three days. It is called Hemoccult II. "The world leader in occult blood testing" is what it says on the outside of the card. Brings new meaning to the term, "dabbling in the occult". What exactly is it they are dabbling in?

Oh the joys of being a mom.

Do they or don't they?

So, every once in a while, I come across someone who doesn't like me. For the most part, I get along with just about everyone. I have some very close friends. There are a few people I have known for 33-34 years! I have some great friendships. Everybody has friends that they relate to more than other people, but sometimes I just rub some people the wrong way. A guy I used to work with, who didn't want to work very hard, said I made him look bad and he hated me for it. Another guy who just decided he didn't like me. Period. I didn't do anything to him. Various women along the way, one of which had a crush on a guy I was seeing at work. But she was MARRIED! Unhappily, though. Sometimes there are reasons, sometimes not. Or at least, not that I know of. I have been told I have a very strong personality. I guess I do. I do care what other people think, just not to the point of living my life by it. I have had to come to terms with the fact that I cannot make other people happy all the time, and if they don't like me, tough noogies. I can't be something I am not just because someone else is uncomfortable with it. Sometimes, I am just too out there. I don't try to offend, in fact, many people confide in me and feel very comfortable talking to me. Their secrets are safe with me. But not everyone.

I bring all of this up because recently I came to the realization that there is someone who I think falls into this category. I don't think they like me very much. I am not certain why. I just get this feeling, even though we have known each other for some time, that maybe this person is one of those that I rub the wrong way without realizing it. Some of these people I confronted at one time or another, to try to make amends. Some I just left alone. So my question is, my bloggy friends, what do you think? Should I say something to this person, who I am not entirely certain, but pretty sure has a problem with me, although I don't know what, or should I just go on? Although, now that I think there may be a problem, I will possibly feel more uncomfortable with them. I have been thinking about this for over a week.

On being 36

Well, in two days, I will no longer be 36. Every year, I turn a year older and don't really think about it. My sister is going to be 40 next month. So, I will be in my 30's and she in her 40's. Ha. I am SOOOO much younger than her!

Why it is good to have a birthday:

You get to blow out all the candles on your birthday cake.
There are going to be a lot of candles on my birthday cake.
But more on my sister's.
Scott makes me a birthday cake on my birthday.
which means my husband will be cooking in the kitchen.
I get to eat cake...
and the calories don't count on your birthday.
I get birthday cards.
some with money in them(?)
so I get to get something for me, instead of for the kids.
JCPenney sent me a $15 gift cert for my birthday.
I get a free appetizer at Red Lobster.
And at Johnny Carino's.
And a free dessert at Bucca Di Beppo.
If I go to all these places.
And, if I don't go, I get to save all kinds of money.
Dad is coming out to babysit the girls, so we can go out.
If the fire doesn't threaten his house.
The girls will get me a birthday card.
And Scott is taking the day off of work.
So I don't have to get up with him at 4am.
Which means, I get to sleep in on my birthday.
And do whatever I want.
Which is, to spend time with my family.
And, most importantly, my God loves me.

High Today: 77 Degrees

Nice! It is windy, but that is clearing away the smoke and stuff. Promises to be a nice day.
Today's schedule:
9:30-10:00 Story time at the library
10:30-12:30 Jessica's schoolwork, laundry
12:30-1:30 Lunch and play
1:20-3:00 Laundry, housecleaning, etc.
3:30 Rebekah's ballet class
4:30 make dinner
5:30 Scott home, have dinner, do dishes, relax, go to bed (and watch Whose Line on ABCFamily)

Full day! Will have to squeeze in going outside and enjoying the weather for a little while.

And continue to look for that stupid contract...

How We Occupied Ourselves During Retreat

On Thursday, Scott left early, not having heard that the time to meet was changed. So, I got up early with him and helped him pack. Dad was supposed to come out on Thursday morning to spend the day with us, but he had to head down to Sun Valley to work on a race car. He got to our house in the mid-afternoon. We had a nice time and he got to see Jessica's ballet/tap class. She is doing very well. She is enjoying the tap. We signed Rebekah up to do ballet again and she will start on Friday. She wants to do it this time. That lasted two weeks in March, but I think she will stick with it this time. I will have to take pictures. It is so cute.

So, after Jess' ballet lesson, we went to the grocery store and picked up some steaks for dinner. We didn't eat them. We went out for chinese food. The girls love chinese food. They also love japanese (Rebekah ate six california rolls the last time), mexican, italian, steak and just about everything else. I think Rebekah's favorite was the sweet and sour pork. And the little wontons they serve with sweet and sour sauce before the meal. Jess prefers the beef with broccoli and the fried shrimp. Anyway, we ate and then came home and watched The Iron Giant. Great movie. Dad had never seen it. Rebekah's favorite line, "I go. You stay. No following." It's so good!

So, we got them to bed at about 11:00pm and then the girls were waking Papa up at 7:00am. I got up and fixed oatmeal and then Dad got a call on his cell phone that they were having problems with the race car. It was leaking. And they were headed out to a car show or something, so it needed to be fixed. Nothing like being needed. So, he left and the girls were so sad! They couldn't wait for him to come back. We went to the library for storytime (every Friday) and then did some errands. He was gone for about three hours and met us at Costco later. Then we headed up to Frazier Park to stay Friday night up there. We made Prime Rib for dinner (rib eye steaks at Albertson's $3.87/lb - just ask them to cut one for you to whatever size, ours was 8 lbs.) That was yummy. The girls wanted more, more, more.

We had jello for dessert and then talked and played pool. Jessica was so tired she was asking to go to bed! How often does that happen? In the morning, we had German pancakes and sat on the front porch for a while. It was only about 75 degrees outside during the day. At night, we had the windows open and it got down to about 45 degrees, so I had to shut the windows. Such a problem to have! The girls didn't want to leave their Papa. So we stayed until about 4:00pm. We headed over to Gramma Alice's house for a family get together there. Got home at about 8:30pm and Bekah fell asleep on the way home. Kept 'em busy while Daddy was away so they wouldn't miss him too much. It seemed to work. They were VERY happy to see him, though, when we got home from Papa's house. A fun weekend. I missed Hubby though, and I was VERY happy to have him home.

Helpful Hints

It has been a while since we had a good list. Hopefully, you think this is a good one. So, from my years of experience, here goes (in no particular order):

Don't forget to remind hubby to take your garbage out on trash pickup day. You won't like the way it smells for another week.

Don't get cocky and think you are doing so well on your A/C bill that you can turn it on a tiny bit longer. This will cost you $200 more the next month. ($500 electric bill! AAAAggghhh!)

Don't wait till your weeds are waist high to pull them. Get 'em while they are small. They are much easier to pull out. And soak 'em with water first. Then you won't fall on your butt trying to pull them out.

Don't buy a house with a slope that you have to maintain. It will be covered in weeds forever.

Don't let your cute little bushes get so bushy next to your house so that you do not notice the gopher who has made a home behind your sprinkler valves.

Don't leave the jumbo size bottle of bubbles where your five year old can reach it. She will try to pour it in the bubble mower and you will have bubble solution all over your garage floor.

Don't wait to pull the dead stick tree out of your front yard. Do it when it dies. This way, you will have a much better view that you didn't realize you were missing.

Don't leave the weeds that you spent all your time picking in a pile on the grass. The weeds will flower, causing more weeds than ever in the spot where you left them lying.

Don't buy a female german shepherd dog that is bred for schutzhund training to be a back yard dog. She will have too much energy and you will have a destroyed backyard.

Don't get a patio built by a friend of a friend. Get someone you don't know and nobody else knows.

Don't lose the contract from said patio builder. File it. Do not put it with your junk mail.

Don't keep your junk mail. Get rid of it. If you do keep it, file it immediately and do not let it end up in boxes with the rest of your junk. It will take months to find something when you go to look for it.

Don't take husband to car dealer. Go yourself and decide what you like. After you have decided, then bring husband along.

Do not trade in perfectly good vehicle for smaller perfectly good vehicle when husband likes larger perfectly good vehicle.

When husband pouts about not having large perfectly good vehicle anymore, don't remind him of all the reasons why you traded in large PGV. Instead, just let him mourn the loss and move on.

Don't wait three weeks to mow your lawn. The lawn will be too difficult to mow and you will wish you had done it sooner since it looks so nice.

Don't send husband to custom tailor by himself to pick out fabric for custom-made clerical shirt. Husband will not believe tailor about wrinklability of said fabric and will order it anyway. You will be forever ironing.

Don't iron a tablecloth before you know if it fits on the table you plan on putting it on.

DO have a great day today and think of all the things you won't do now that you know better!

Goodbye, pets!

Well, we let the caterpillars out of their bug condo this morning. We had three of them in captivity for several days. Long enough to watch them, study them, etc. None of them cocooned, but that's okay. I think I know what they turn into.

I let them out on the same plant they came from. And while I was out there, this beautiful dark orange and black butterfly was flying all around Bekah and me. It got very close to us, landed on two plants very near us and stayed long enough for us to get a really good look at it. I think that our dark reddish and black caterpillars turn into this same butterfly. I saw the same type not too long ago as well. So, I will leave them alone. They can eat my passion flower vine. It is doing well anyway.

Be free butterflies!

Nameless, but not Blameless

So, a few years ago, in a galaxy far, far away, way, way back when I was a teenager, I was going to a church with a pushy, aggressive pastor. He shall remain nameless, though not in the least bit blameless. He thought he needed to be in the middle of everything. He was supposed to be told about everything. He was in charge of every aspect of every person's life, whether they liked it or not. A dictator. Anyway, so, I was seventeen, and dating a boy in the church. We had just started to get serious and lo and behold, we ended up in a sort of awkward position of needing to confess our, ahem, indiscretions. Well, we decided together that we should seek the counsel of our pastor, since that is what we were led to believe was the right thing to do. The guy went to the pastor and they had a meeting - over breakfast at a restaurant. He got a verbal slap on the wrist and was told to not do that again. Oh, and are you going to be there for softball practice? After this, I met with him. In his office, behind closed doors. Boy, did I get it. He screamed at me. He told me that everything that I was doing, I was trying to "lure" men. From my acrylic fingernails to my 1966 Porsche 912 that I was driving at the time (this car cost next to nothing to purchase because Dad got a deal on it and cost NOTHING to fix, since he had all the parts - but that couldn't be why I was driving it). The way I dressed, the way I acted, all of it was me trying to get the attention of guys. I don't know where they all were watching this from, because they didn't seem to be within my range of view at the time. I never saw any of these men I was supposedly trying to lure. Considering the source of these accusations, I don't now consider them to be too terribly accurate, but at the time, well, I was young. I was of the impression that he knew what he was talking about. After all, he was a pastor and aren't they supposed to be kind, caring, compassionate? Well, some are not.

Anyway, so after getting verbally abused for quite a long period of time and being told that all that had transpired was MY fault and mine alone, I really didn't feel like participating in any of the reindeer games anymore. I was working at Bullock's in the Northridge Mall. The one that caved in on itself in the Northridge Earthquake eight years later. I told my boss at the time to put me on the schedule every Sunday, so I wouldn't have to see this yahoo. Well, that worked for quite some time. When I again showed my face at church, he inquired as to whether I had informed my parents about said indiscretions. No, I didn't feel they needed to know. Well, he, in his infinite wisdom, felt I DID need to tell my parents and informed me that if I did not, he would. He left me no choice. So, I sat my parents down and told them the whole story. Complete with the tell-the-parents threat. While they were glad to have been informed, they were needless to say, rather unimpressed about the way it all came about. And about their daughter taking the ENTIRE blame for the incident. So, we had a meeting. This pastor and his wife, my mom, dad, me, my sister and brother-in-law. In retrospect, I don't know why they were there, but they were. So, here we are, all seven of us, sitting in my parents living room, talking about the way I was counseled (I use the term very loosely here). And this guy went off. How dare my parents question the way he counseled me? Did they not know that he had lots of experience counseling teenagers and dealing with them? How dare they ask why he did what he did? When they told him that they may leave the church over this, he informed them that they could not TELL him they were leaving the church, they must ASK him if they could leave the church. He turned to my dad, who likes to have the whole story before determining his position and blasted him for letting his wife (my mom) do all the talking. Questioned him as to why he would let his wife ask all the questions. The pastor was so angry that he was jumping up and down in my parents house and at one point, slammed his hand against the fireplace in anger, I guess to make his point. The fireplace didn't budge. The rest of us had eyes as big as saucers. Uh, disbelief. Total. Even his wife. Although she hardly said anything as I recall.

This was the beginning of the end. I stopped going to church. This and a couple of other incidents put me over the top. Didn't have a problem with God, just some of the people running the place. I really didn't go back to church hardly at all until we ended up at the CEC. (A few months at another church where they were a startup and the pastor bounced a check to me for $300 for something I bought for the church and then asked if they could make payments on it. That only added fuel to the distrust fire.)

This was also the beginning of the end for this pastor. I believe I was the first in a very long series of people that got verbally abused and mis-treated by him. His "counseling" sessions left a lot to be desired. His ministry, if you can call it that, never recovered. He apparently ended up being demoted in the church hierarchy and eventually ended up being a janitor or something. His current position is somewhat lower on the proverbial totem pole than what I am sure he ever anticipated. Well, you know, when you beat up the sheep instead of trying to protect them, I don't think God looks too kindly upon that.

There was one woman at that church who had severe emotional trauma. Going back to when she was a child. Horrible abuse. She would have flashbacks at inopportune times. She liked to sit in the front of the church so that her mind would not wander and she could concentrate more easily. Well, he did not want her to disrupt the service. To my knowledge she never did. But he told her to sit in the back of the church so she wouldn't bother anybody else. Nice.

He was pastor of that church and living in the house owned by that church. Life was good. Well, he was eventually removed as pastor, had to move out of the house and did a short stint as a car salesman. Talk about change. Don't mess with the sheep.

No, I was not perfect. But I was not the person he made me out to be either. And it had a rather devastating negative effect on my life for about fifteen years or so. Bummer. Glad I found the CEC. God is good. Healing is good.

You can find it too, at www.iccec.org

International Blogging Day?

Who ever heard of such a thing. Apparently it was yesterday. Who knew? Well, happy International Blogging Day to all of you out in Blogland, You know who you are! I am supposed to refer you to some good blogs. Here goes:

http://barrierislandgirl.blogspot.com/ Nice beach pictures

http://blackpurlsknitpickings.blogspot.com/ This one is great! A missionary family in Krasnodar Russia. Very interesting.

http://mercylane.blogspot.com/ She quilts, she writes, she scrapbooks. So cool. And she photographs the most beautiful creations she has made!

Go and see for yourselves! Happy belated blog day.

Yeah, they want me...

I got a letter from the Cambridge Who's Who. I am "being considered for inclusion into the 2006/2007 Cambridge Who's Who Among Executive and Professional Women "Honors Edition" of the Registry." The letter goes on to say that "Recognition of this kind is an honor shared by thousands of executive and professional women throughout America each year. Inclusion is considered by many as the single highest mark of achievement."

They want me.

They are about six years too late, though. I was at the height of my career with the mortgage company, doing mortgage licensing for thirty states, for branch offices in six states, the Home Mortgage Disclosure Act filing for HUD as well as licensing for HUD, filing with the California Department of Corporations for our California Mortgage Lenders license, Human Resources administration for 80 employees in Los Angeles and overseeing approx. 30 employees around the country. Oh, and Executive Secretary to two "executives" who ran around, cheated on their wives, went to the corporate apartment with their girlfriends for "lunch" and generally behaved like spoiled brats. But they were nice to me.

Who's Who should have contacted me then.

Now, I am in charge of two rambuctious children. I have never been more busy. They wouldn't want me now. They should have talked to me then.

Oh well. Another time in my life. I guess when I get back in the work force, I will have to get in touch with them. Maybe the offer will still stand.

Ya think?

Well, if these two can get along...

Hamster, snake best friends at Tokyo zoo
'I've never seen anything like it,' zookeeper says of unlikely pairing
Jan. 18, 2006


TOKYO - Gohan and Aochan make strange bedfellows: one's a 3.5-inch dwarf hamster; the other is a yard-long rat snake.

Zookeepers at Tokyo's Mutsugoro Okoku zoo presented the hamster - whose name is a tasty rice dish in Japanese - to Aochan as a snack in October, after the snake refused to eat frozen mice.

But instead of indulging, Aochan decided to make friends with the furry rodent, according to keeper Kazuya Yamamoto. The pair have shared a cage since.

"I've never seen anything like it. Gohan sometimes even climbs onto Aochan to take a nap on his back," Yamamoto said.

Aochan, a 2-year-old male Japanese rat snake, eventually developed an appetite for frozen rodents but has so far shown no signs of gobbling up Gohan - despite her name.

"We named her Gohan as a joke," Yamamoto chuckled. "But I don't think there's any danger. Aochan seems to enjoy Gohan's company very much."

The Tokyo zoo also keeps a range of mostly livestock animals, and promotes "cross-breed interaction," according to Yamamoto.

But Gohan and Aochan's case was "was a complete accident."

MY Chili Tastes Like Crap

Well, my husband generally likes my cooking. But not my chili. This came up on Sunday when, at the PoFolks Potluck Joann made chili. HERS was good, mine is crap. Just ask my husband. He was telling others at the table about how bad my chili is. Well, he was going on about how good Joann's chili was. Has been ever since. Stupid Joann. She's making me look bad. I had bought a packet of Carroll Shelby's Chili mix because my husband said he likes that kind. Said Joann's tastes like it. I made it for dinner. I didn't like it. Not much. He didn't like it much, either. Said there was too much meat, not enough beans. JOANN's chili had more beans than meat and it is BETTER that way. Just ask my husband. He said everything else I make is good. My chili - not so much. That's being too nice. He hates it. The chili I made tonight, he ate most of it. Jessica loved it. She also loves my chili. Said my chili is the best. What a good girl. I am not making chili at home anymore. It is the one thing we don't agree on.

Stupid chili.

nice hunting picture

Habeus Corpus

Yes, Snuffy, that is what it means. Very good, you get an A. Apparently what it means is that the warden is in CONTROL of the body, holding him against his will. Supposedly unjustly. Well, they file these lawsuits when they are not being treated very well by the other prisoners. The other prisoners don't like rapists, child molesters, etc. So, when someone gets sent to prison, the other inmates ask for their "papers", meaning, they want to know what they are in for, so they know what type of person they are dealing with and how to treat him. Well, this guy is not being treated well and now figures he shouldn't have to be there. Well, I say tough noogies. You wouldn't be there if you hadn't been a lowlife scumbag, creepy voyeur...but I digress. Anyway, they try to find a loophole in the system somewhere and a reason why they shouldn't be there. In this case, I think the loophole he is looking for is that the police reports were incorrect. However, he pled guilty to all the counts against him, so there he sits. Right where he should be. Hopefully for a long time.

I have wasted so much time on this. And now I know more than I ever cared to about the prison system.

Updates

Well, the prisoner is apparently filing a Habeus Corpus suit. I spoke with the DA's office. Which basically means he is suing the warden for unlawful detainment. Yeah, right, buddy. You wouldn't be there if you hadn't broken into women's apartments and made their lives miserable. He is apparently not getting treated very well in prison. Good. I have wasted too much of my time dealing with this.

I have received three letters. The "investigator" is a retired (for ten years) woman who lives in a retirement community and sings in the local community choir. I'm thinking it's mom. Trying to use the sympathy ploy in the third letter. Not gonna do it. I owe him nothing.

I just got off the phone with the wife of the contractor who said, "I am not interested in finishing the job" on the patio. I am still looking for the contract, so I called to see if they could send it to me. They "lost" it. Can't find a bunch of files that are in storage. Okay, Hillary. You are in business. You are supposed to be much more organized than I am. I guess I will have to keep looking. I am a reasonable person. Why are they doing this? How frustrating. My friend (who referred them, and has known them since they were both kids) cannot believe this. I don't think I am that difficult to deal with!

It's hot. Again. I just don't feel like me today. I am frustrated, tired and cranky. Hopefully, the kids are good. I am just not going to try to do much today. I will likely have a short fuse. Send a little prayer this way, okay? Thanks! I am sure I will be back to my normal happy self tomorrow.

Three

"Rebekah, put your toy in the playroom."
Five minutes later,
"Rebekah, put your toy in the playroom."
"I wiiilllll-aahh. How many times do I have to TELL you!"

A typical conversation at our house:
"Rebekah, did you eat the cookie?"
"No, Jess-ca did."
"NO I DIDN'T! SHE'S LYING!"
"Rebekah, did you eat the cookie?"
"Yes."

"Rebekah, how old are you?"
"Ree"

Rebekah was extremely talkative while Jess was gone at Papa's house. She didn't stop talking! We figured she was making up for lost time. Had to squeeze as much talking in as possible while her sister was away. Scott and I were laughing so hard all weekend. She comes up with the darndest things. Her big "problem" all weekend, that she kept bringing up, was who she is going to marry. Finally, Sunday morning she figured it out. Matthew! She wanted to marry Matthew! And she told him so! Kris said, "Nope. You can't. He's your cousin." I said, "Well, technically she could. But that would be too wierd. Kris is already her aunt and her godmother. She would also be her mother in law!"

So, the decision is still not made. Scott ages about ten years every time the girls talk about getting married. They are three and five! They are not supposed to be talking about this stuff yet. So, Scott's comment is, as he looks at me as though I am tne responsible one, "Well, we wouldn't have this problem if we had boys!"

Frogs and Caterpillars and Stink Bugs, Oh My!

I have bugs. I don't know if I should call the bug guy or not. The caterpillars are eating my passionflower vine and the toads got rid of all the daddylonglegs, but will the bug guy kill the caterpillars and the toads or just the bugs? The toads are babies of the original toad couple. They are hiding out in the grass in an old gopher hole. The gophers haven't showed up lately. None. But there is one hole in the grass that when I put the hose down it, it seems to go to China! The other ones are all linked together and when you put the hose down one of them, the toads pop their heads out. That's when I show them to the girls.

I don't know if my caterpillars are going to produce some ugly moths or some beautiful butterflies. I guess I will have to wait and see. They are not attractive. Black and red with poky things all over them. These are the things we played with as kids? You couldn't pay me to touch that thing! Eeewww! Jess wants to put one in her bug container so she can watch it grow. That might be a way to find out what kind of butterfly it turns into...

Found a spider in Rebekah's bed the other night. When Jess was gone. Good thing. Jess had nightmares of spiders in her bed for a while. At least we think it was a nightmare. She talked about a BIG spider crawling on her bed about a year ago. Well, I don't want creepy crawlies in the house. And the big huge ant hill in the back yard. If I put the poison out, they might shrink me and take me into their ant hill (a la The Ant Bully). What to do, what to do.

two funnies...cuz we can all use a laugh

UNANSWERED PRAYER?
The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon.

One day, she asked him why.

"Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon."

"How come He doesn't do it?" she asked.

THE BLESSING

My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our six-year-old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," she replied. "Just say what you hear Mommy say," my wife said.

Our daughter bowed her head and said, "Dear Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"

Don't forget to pray

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods. "What majestic trees! What powerful rivers!
What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river he heard a
rustling in the bushes behind him. He turned to look. He saw a 7 foot grizzly charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could up the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was closing in on him. He looked over his
shoulder again, and the bear was even closer. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over
to pick himself up but saw the bear right on top of him, reaching for him with his left paw
and raising his right paw to strike him. At that instant the Atheist cried out: "Oh my God!..."

Time stopped.
The bear froze.
The forest was silent.

As a bright light shone upon the man, a voice came out of the sky:
"You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist, and even credit creation
to a cosmic accident.

Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light, "It would be hypocritical of me to suddenly ask You
to treat me as a Christian now, but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?" "Very well," said the voice.
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
And then the bear dropped his right paw, brought both paws together and bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, bless this food, which I am about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord. Amen."

Lenten humor

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into the large Catholic
neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling
a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile all of his neighbors were
eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday during
Lent.
On the last Friday of Lent the neighborhood men got together and
decided that something just HAD to be done about John, he was just tempting them
to eat meat each Friday of Lent and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided
to try and convert him to be Catholic.

They went over and talked with him and were so happy that he decided
to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to
Church and the Priest sprinkled some water over him and told him "You were born
a Protestant,you were raised a Protestant and now you are a Catholic".
The men of the neighborhood were SO relieved, now their biggest Lent temptation
was resolved.

The next year's Lent rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came
and just at supper time when the neighborhood was setting down to
their fish dinners came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill. The
neighborhood men could not believe their noses!

What was going on???

They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to
see if he had forgotten it was a Friday in Lent. The group arrived
just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water.
He was pouring small droplets over his steak on the grill and saying "You
were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."